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EXPECTATION = Mirror For Your Heart?

“I’ll never live in Lagos, Port-Harcourt, Kano or Abuja, the standard of living is too expensive, though the quality of life is alright and ample opportunities to succeed abound, I just cannot bring myself to live in these cities”. This was my rant in my heart as far back as only 4 years ago. My thoughts continued, “I would feel like a small fish in an ocean”.

But at the root of it all, was fear of the unknown. Yes, that’s my admission, fear of the unknown. I was afraid that I would fail, I was afraid that I was too introverted to succeed in the cauldron called Lagos or any of the “big” cities… and yes, you read it right, my thoughts suggested at that time, “I’d be like a small fish in a huge ocean”.

I struggled to accept that any of these I could  go to, and become a better man, to grab challenges by the scruff of the neck and literally make success out of them; to fail in some yes, but not wallow in self-pity and accept the event as finality… I failed to realize that many others had indeed gone to live in many a larger city and become successful.

I had made up my mind sub-consciously, that as long as it wasn’t a small town where everybody knew everyone, and getting to the next street didn’t have to take hours of commute, and I was a ready-made “hero” to boot, I wasn’t gonna amount to anything….hmm small-town-syndrome i hear you say?

Fast-forward three years later, I got married in the city of Lagos to an adorable woman of great virtue, who had lived all her life in the “large” city, and four years later, I live in, you guessed right, the “large” city. What changed, I hear you ask? Perception and Perspective…

Perception: I realized that my thinking was flawed to start with… As a man thinks in his heart, so is he” or to put it more in lay man’s terms, the way I perceived myself would be the outcome I would experience.

Perspective: I experienced a shift in perspective in that I realized that as much as I feared failure, what was stopping me from choosing success instead?

What made me think I was a “small fish in an ocean”?

It was the way I saw myself… in my mind, I had nothing to offer that made any reasonable sense to me so how would it make any sense to anyone and also, what was I gonna offer that someone else wasn’t offering? You see, what you believe at any point in time is always true until you challenge the “truth” and it may turn out that your truth had been false all along.

I CHOSE to move away from the “I-am-not-cut-out-to-live-there” or “I-am-not-cut-out-to-have-it-going-great” mindset, to the “I-deserve-to-have-it-all” one.

Thinking back on it, it wasn’t as though these cities where skewed or as bad as my mind painted the picture, I had only approached the thought with so much negativity, fear and pessimism.

A key thing that I learned and willingly changed was that, my perception of me was to a great extent influential in way i made my decisions, and consequently, the actions that followed. So, before I ramble on, what’s your expectation? What’s the price to be paid? What are the choices to be made?

Will you make it count? Expects

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5 Comments

Posted by on July 31, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

HOLDING ON

I woke up today with this thought firmly on my mind: If you don’t do anything about the future, when you get there, you won’t see anything.

I felt fear, panic and discouragement all at the same time because I stopped to consider this; the fact that I don’t like what I am seeing today is either of these two thoughts, I didn’t do anything about it in the past or what I did wasn’t enough and it made me wonder, what do I want the future to be like?

I asked myself questions in line with what I know from the book of Proverbs 6; Am I a sluggard? Am I lazy in my mentality? Is that why I am where I am today?

So many emotions that I am battling with…I remember the night I sat up in tears, serious tears and I was asking so many questions of God, what did I do wrong? What was I supposed to do next? So many questions that I have asked myself, including this one: Am I losing my faith?

This very question, “Am I losing my faith?” was the most pertinent of questions.

See, all my growing up from childhood to adulthood, I’d been raised in the knowledge that I ought to put my faith in God and some of the times, I’ve missed it in the sense that I left it all up to God even the part I was supposed to play an active role in, thinking that it was only him that needed to “wave a magic wand” over the situation and all would be fine and my faith would be strengthened, but in this situation that I am in currently and several others of this nature that I have been in, I find that  God is not a “genie in the bottle” who has “3-wishes” to give me, instead, he has called me into a life of active faith which is consistent and not seasonal, which stretches under pressure but is not broken.

I’ve come to understand that like the catapult which needs to have its rubber stretched in order for the stone to go forwards, the farther the stretch, the further the stone will go.

Also like the catapult, no matter how much it is stretched, it always returns to the point of “rest” without losing its form or functionality.

Again i asked myself, was I really losing my faith? And I came to the conclusion that no, I wasn’t losing my faith but instead, like the catapult, my faith was experiencing a stretch.

Though I had a faint idea of where I thought I ought to be, I would not be able to get there if my faith wasn’t stretched. And just like that my question was answered.

The experience is still on no doubt but I’ve got a different perspective about it all. No longer am I wondering if I’ve lost “IT”, rather I know that “IT” is still holding unto me projecting me into not just where I think I ought to be, but rather to the place He knows is my place. Ahead and not behind, on top not beneath.

In case you are wondering if you have lost your faith, fear not, He might just be stretching you out a bit so that you will get to where you are to happen. HOLD ON!!!

 

hold on

 
19 Comments

Posted by on July 10, 2013 in PERSEVERANCE

 

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JUST BEFORE DAWN

Hey yo!!! 🙂 Yeah you, lol…so I’ve been having this urge since forever now to start out on this project and I always gave myself a reason or the other, the major one being that I had not found a purpose to reach out to you and seek you out to let you know that you are not alone in this that you are going through. I struggled with why I should even reach out to you, telling myself that I didn’t have much to say and that the right platform had not come along…plenty cover stories I must tell you, but finally (one of the last “finallys”, I told my one and only gift from God that I was gonna get going…I sought her opinion about the whole idea that I’d been shifting off till a later date and she with such wisdom, made me see the motivation for me to reach out to you to let you know that you are not alone. She asked me a cardinal question, “What would you call this platform?” and frankly, at first, I told her that I didn’t know but that I was contemplating on calling it “The Diary of a Waiting Man” but that didn’t sound right in my own ears as well. And with such God-given insight and wisdom, she said, “Why not call it MEMOIRS OF THE METAMORPHOSIS?” as the words rolled out of her mouth, I loved it instantly, because it encapsulated what I will be sharing with you. That I am a waiting man also at the precipice of my change…so is everyone if you stop to think about it. We all are waiting for something to happen for us: a breakthrough to the next level, a pay rise at work, a miracle that no man can make happen except God or maybe expectations about having your own child… There’s just something that everyone is waiting for.

This is not set out to solve your problems as well, ‘cos God knows, I’m not able to adequately solve any of mine except by his help added to my willingness to make change happen. All I can do is share what I have experienced firsthand on this journey to a destination better than here and now. So if you’d accept to, take my hand or just hang on to my words, because I’d always want you to see the duo that can make things happen for you, you and God Almighty. My own purpose is to stand with you and make the wait worth it… I’m not going to pretend that I’d take the sting out of the process, because the reality of it is that the process is also part of the package; but what I want to offer you is the knowledge that you are not in it alone. Imagine if sugar came not as refined sugar but as the sugarcane plant and said “here I am, put me in your … (add whatever you think you’d like to put sugar in)” I’m pretty sure that knowing what you know, you’d politely (can you be polite to a sugarcane plant? I wonder) tell it “non, merci”. I’m sure you catch my flow, so I’m not going to reinvent the wheel but ask you to expect a great ride cos like the saying goes, “The darkest hour’s just before day”

Leggo!!!

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11 Comments

Posted by on June 28, 2013 in PERSEVERANCE

 

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